FTF Episode 013

thirteen

The Fire Pit Arena
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

PRE RECORDED
on
August 28th, 2016

– THE EMISSARY OF DARKNESS

The night begins with “Forever Pissed” cuing up and the audience comes alive. FTF Champion, “Pissed Off” John Ire walks to the ring with the title belt slung over his shoulder. He enters the ring and takes hold of a microphone.

John Ire: Alright Toronto?

A pop which means, yeah, they’re alright.

John Ire: Yeah, me too. As ye can see I’m still the fuckin’ champ. Yeah Kana gave me a run for me money and yeah she even pinned me once but once I kicked into full pissed off mode then she didn’t stand a fuckin’ chance.

Another pop, a big “Pissed Off! Pissed Off! Pissed Off!” chant starts up which prompts the champ to stop talking for a moment. He lets it carry on for a few moments before speaking again.

John Ire: I’m done with her now. Morgan Odin has assured me that I won’t have to defend me belt against her again because she’s had three chances and she blew it each fuckin’ time. I mean, I’m not afraid to go her again but you people deserve to see a fresh matchup.

Toronto likes that idea.

John Ire: So who the f-

Ire is cut off when the lights in The Fire Pit go out. Somber orchestral music cues up and the stage fills with fog. A chill falls over the arena when Second Hand Smoke walks out onto the stage.

Second Hand Smoke: Hello Jonathan. I do not believe that you and I have been formerly introduced. I am called Second Hand Smoke. I have let this company and the audience know little about me and with good reason, however, I think that it is time that you and I get to know each other.

Ire doesn’t look shaken in the least.

John Ire: Mate I know just who the fuck ye are. Ye been tormenting my mate Derringer for months now. Ye kidnapped his army buddy. Ye brutalized him at Duality. So bad that he isn’t here tonight. That and ye seem to just be an all around creepy cunt.

Second Hand Smoke: All of that is true and although I do not agree with your wording of the last statement, I cannot deny the veracity of it. I am not a nice person. I am the minister of the dread haven. I am the emissary of darkness.

John Ire: Dread haven? Emissary of darkness? Is all of this suppose to scare me mate? Because ye have fail in that respect, I’ve gotta tell ye.

Second Hand Smoke: Oh I know that you aren’t scared of me Jonathan. But you should be. I have made it my mission to rid FTF of false idols. It began with the false hero Al Derringer and now it will continue with you. You are not fit to hold that championship. You are not fit to be at the forefront of the company.

John Ire: Says fuckin’ who mate? I’ve never been fuckin’ beaten in a one on one contest. No one has been able to step to me and put me down. Who better to lead this company?

Second Hand Smoke: Me, Jonathan. I am better. I can boast the same accolades, save for being FTF Champion. The only reason that you are standing in that ring with the championship and I am not is because I was not entered into the Summit Series. I was denied that opportunity.

John Ire: So it’s opportunity that ye want? Well opportunity is standin’ right here waiting for ye. I’ll give ye a shot at me championship right here tonight if ye want.

Smoke shakes his head.

Second Hand Smoke: Oh Jonathan. You know that is not possible. You already have a match tonight. Plus, I believe that a clash between you and I needs a bigger stage. Perhaps on Episode Sixteen? I’ve been told that we are calling it Apex, which seems apt.

John Ire: Fine mate. Ye want to give me a go at Apex? Ye think that you can take the top spot? You’re welcome to fuckin’ try. I accept. I’ll send your spooky ass back to the graveyard. Permanently.

“Forever Pissed” cues up and Smoke practically levitates back through the curtain as Ire holds the FTF Championship high in the air.

Tag Team Match
Jin Feng & Ren Bao
versus
The Kingmakers
15 Minute Time Limit

The first match of the evening sees the debut of Chinese wrestlers Jin Feng and Ren Bao as they take on Joffrey and Brixton Gough, The Kingmakers.

Chris Irvine: This is a big opportunity for Jin Feng and Ren Bao!

Alan Jones: They are already signed and The Kingmakers have had one match. This is pratically a debut for both teams. The Kingmakers can wash away that first loss in the D3T.

Brixton and Feng start the match with Brixton offering a handshake. When Feng accepted the handshake, Brixton slapped him in the face.

Alan Jones: Love that! Welcome to FTF Jin Feng.

Feng comes off of the ropes and Brixton hits him with a knee to the mid-section. Brixton tags in Joffrey who enters the ring with a slingshot flipping senton.

Chris Irvine: The Gough Brothers may be the most in sync team in FTF.

Alan Jones: They are called The Kingmakers Irvine, get it going.

Joffrey sends Feng into the corner but Feng leaps to the top rope, backflips over top of Joffrey and lands behind him. Feng then dives and tags in Bao.

Chris Irvine: The Chinese stars get a chance at some offence!

Bao and Feng send Joffrey into the ropes and on his return they plant him with a double flap jack. Bao covers for a quick two count.

Chris Irvine: A near fall for the new recruits!

Bao gets Joffrey up and attempts a swinging neckbreaker but Joffrey sends him into the Kingmakers’ corner. Brixton smashes Bao with a forearm to the face from the apron.

Alan Jones: They may be rookies but that was a veteran move! The Kingmakers aren’t going to let some rookies take them down. Fuck.

Joffrey tags in Brixton and they nail Bao with a double spike piledriver. Joffrey then runs and nails Feng off of the apron as Brixton covers Bao for the three count.

Nina Nichols: Here are your winners, Joffrey and Brixton Gough, The Kingmakers!

Both Gough brothers take a bow after having their hands raised. On the way out of the ring Joffrey kicks Ren Bao right in the face, a serious sign of disrespect. (And quite frankly, a real dick move.)

– CASUALTIES

In the backstage area FTF General Manager, Morgan Odin stands with FTF Interviewer Ben Choi. As usual, Odin’s hair is insanely on point. Guy looks like a grown up pop star.

Ben Choi: Morgan Odin, I’ve been told that you can tell me the status of both Miyami Kana and Lobo Malo following Duality.

Morgan Odin: Indeed I can. Miyami Kana will be out for an indeterminate amount of time with an undisclosed injury. Her manager, Ono Inari has demanded that we do not disclose anything about her client’s injury and I have to honour that request.

Ben Choi: You can’t give us any kind of idea of when Miyami Kana will return to action?

Morgan Odin: Unfortunately so.

Ben Choi: And what about Lobo Malo?

Morgan Odin: Lobo Malo is dealing with an injured ankle, however, he will remain in Canada. I am very aware of the threat that faces him should he return to Mexico and I will not subject him to that. Malo is recovering at a secure medical facility. This was done at the behest of the higher ups at our parent company, the Kasai Sanda Company.

Ben Choi: Is there a timeline for his return?

Morgan Odin: Thankfully his injury is not severe and he will be back in action by Apex in three weeks. He has asked that I give him an opportunity to get revenge on Lazlo Vaughan for Vaughan’s actions at Duality but I have yet to make a decision regarding that matter.

Ben Choi: My final question Mr. Odin is in regards to what we just saw. Will you make the FTF Championship match at Apex official?

Morgan Odin: I can. As much as I don’t care for how Second Hand Smoke has gone about things in his FTF career so far, he has never been defeated. His incredible display of violence at Duality can not be ignore. Therefore I can officially announce that at Episode Sixteen: Apex John Ire will defend his FTF Championship against Second Hand Smoke.

Ben Choi: Thank you for your time Mr. Odin.

Morgan Odin: Thank you Ben.

And with that, a very awkward interview ending.

Singles Match
Bill Griff
versus
Tom Cherry
15 Minute Time Limit

The next contest is another debut match as the big man Bill Griff takes on Tom Cherry. The match begins with Cherry charging Griff and then stopping short to stare at Griff.

Chris Jones: I’m a little surprised that Cherry is charging a beast like Bill Griff.

Cherry then kisses Griff on the cheek and that fires Griff up. Griff levels Cherry with a clothesline. Griff gets Cherry up, puts him over his shoulder and plants him with a powerslam.

Alan Irvine: This Bill Griff guy is man handling Tom Cherry. I really don’t care for it. Tom Cherry is our top prospect, Griff is trying to kill him.

Griff sends Cherry into the ropes and on Cherry’s return Griff sends him flipping high in the air with a back body drop like he weighs absolutely nothing.

Chris Jones: Cherry got some height on that! Bill Griff is really taking the fight to Cherry in his debut.

Alan Irvine: Cherry had a strong debut and now he’s being made to look like a joke!

Griff mounts Cherry and starts hitting him with some big shots. Cherry escapes and tries to crawl away but Griff grabs him and deadlifts him with a German suplex. Cherry lands hard and rolls out of the ring.

Chris Jones: The power of Bill Griff!

Cherry is trying to recover on the outside when Griff charges at him. Cherry catches Griff with a drop toe hold that sends Griff’s face right into the steel steps. Cherry then backs up and nails Griff with a double stomp to the back of the head, onto the steps!

Chris Jones: Oh my God! Did you hear that Irv? I swear Bill Griff’s skull just cracked.

Alan Irvine: I think I’m going to spew.

The audience his shock after that vile move. Cherry rolls back into the ring and demands that the referee counts Griff out. The referee has no choice as Griff is knocked out cold.

Nina Nichols: Here is your winner via count out, Tom Cherry!

The referee raises Tom Cherry’s hand and then exits the ring to check on Bill Griff. The referee calls for EMTs as Cherry celebrates in the ring.

– THE REMATCH

Backstage FTF Interviewer Mischa Sloan stands with Hatchet Muldoon and VJ Merrick, F.U.X. Both of these Aussie pricks look angry. What else is new.

Mischa Sloan: Hatchet Muldoon, VJ Merrick, the two of you came up short in the Duality Tag Team Tournament last week. The White Wolves defeated you to become the first ever FTF Tag Team Champions. Can I get your thoughts on that?

Hatchet Muldoon: You want our thoughts love? Let me tell you our fookin’ thoughts. Our thoughts are that we were robbed by those two cunts.

Mischa Sloan: I don’t think that’s-

VJ Merrick: It doesn’t matter what you think love. What matters is what’s next, right? We’re officially challenging those two cunts to a rematch at Apex. We want a chance to redeem ourselves. We are the best bloody tag team in this fuckin’ dump.

Hatchet Muldoon: Those two whelps don’t deserve to walk around this company with our fookin’ titles. We are the best tag team in FTF and we will prove it. We will tear through those two like a machete through thick bush.

VJ Merrick: I bet they have thick bushes.

Hatchet Muldoon: That is uncalled for mate. You know that they probably keep it clean. Their shite wrestlers but their still nice pieces. I’d root either of them.

Mischa Sloan: Gentlemen please, there is no need to sexual objectify the champions.

Hatchet Muldoon: You’re right. Because we are going to victimize them. We are going to mangle them. We are going to make things fookin’ right. Tonight in the eight person tag match we’ll show everyone who the top cunts are around here.

F.U.X. walk out of the room, taking their male bravado and evident lack of sex appeal with them.

Singles Match
John Ire
versus
Lazlo Vaughan
15 Minute Time Limit

The next contest got a big pop right off of the bat as the champ came out for the second time tonight. The next person out got showered with boos like he killed an infant, that man being Lazlo Vaughan.

Chris Jones: Lazlo Vaughan looking to pick up a win tonight after losing to Lobo Malo at Duality.

Alan Irvine: He may have lost the match but he certainly got a personal victory. He put Malo on the shelf.

Ire rushes Vaughan right off the hop but Vaughan runs to the corner. Ire pulls him back into the ring and Vaughan pokes him in the eye, unseen by the ref. (No pun intended.)

Chris Jones: A cheap shot from Vaughan. Irv how big would a victory be for Vaughan tonight?

Alan Irvine: It would without question put him into the conversation for an FTF Championship match. Sure, we know that Second Hand Smoke is next in line but this would be a massive win for Vaughan.

Vaughan jumps on Ire’s back and locks in a sleeper hold, actually being able to wear Ire down. Vaughan then releases the hold, charges and hits Ire with a sick kick.

Chris Jones: I truly believe that if Lazlo Vaughan simply focussed on wrestling and winning, he could be a force here in FTF.

Alan Irvine: He already is! The man has been here for a short amount of time and he’s put one of our most beloved wrestlers on the shelf. And right now he has the champion on the ropes.

Chris Jones: What I’m saying is that he’s talented and I think that he would have a lot more success if he simply focussed.

Alan Irvine: Just watch, Jones.

Vaughan covers but only gets a two count. Vaughan then puts the boots to Ire and then steps off of the second rope and drops a knee onto Ire’s forehead.

Chris Jones: Lazlo Vaughan, the snakeoil salesman, has the champion on the ropes.

Alan Irvine: He actually likes to be known as the Handsome Grifter. Come on Jones.

Chris Jones: My most sincere apologies.

Ire is down as Vaughan drops on top of him and applies a chinlock, trying with all of his might to keep the champion grounded.

Chris Jones: I’ve got to say Irv, I’ve been very impressed with Lazlo Vaughan tonight.

Alan Irvine: He is reinvigorated! He destroyed Lobo Malo and now he’s going to destroy the champion. Lazlo Vaughan is the future of FTF.

The referee checks Ire’s hand and on the third time that he attempts to drop it, Ire fires up and Vaughan practically shits his pants.

Chris Jones: The Angry Bloke lives!

Alan Irvine: What?

Chris Jones: He calls himself that.

Ire fights up and nails Vaughan with some elbows to the mid-section. Ire then turns and grabs Vaughan around the throat, tossing him into the corner.

Chris Jones: Ire has that look in his eyes Irv.

Ire follows that up with a running body avalanche and then Vaughan stumbles right into a double a spinebuster!

Chris Jones: The Enforcer would be proud!

Vaughan is fucked up, getting to his feet. When he does finally stand Ire winds up and blasts him with The Pisstaker elbow! Vaughan lands on the back of his neck and Ire stacks him up into a pinfall, getting the three count.

Nina Nichols: Here is your winner, FTF Champion “Pissed Off” John Ire!

Following the contest John Ire is handed his title and his arm is raised. Then from the crowd comes a figure covered in facepaint.

Chris Jones: That’s Carl Walken. What the hell is he doing here?

Walken slides into the ring and he is wielding a steel chair. He smashes Ire in the back with it, dropping the champion. Walken begins wearing Ire out with the chair as Second Hand Smoke saunters to the ring.

Alan Irvine: Smoke has complete control over Walken and he is using him to do his bidding.

Chris Jones: Smoke has broken this soldier. He has made him lose his goddamn mind. This is disgusting!

Smoke enters the ring and takes hold of a microphone.

Second Hand Smoke: Do you understand now Jonathan? Do you understand what I mean by my Dread Haven? This man has joined my cause because he believes in me, the emissary of darkness.

Smoke approaches Walken and puts his hand on his shoulder.

Second Hand Smoke: I have freed Carl Walken. I have shown him a new path. He now realizes that he was too concerned with trying to be somebody. He was too concerned with being what society believes is a hero. No longer will he lie to himself and try to be a somebody. Now, he is Nobody.

Smoke and Nobody exit the ring, leaving the champion down and out.

– STAY HUMBLE

Backstage the FTF Tag Team Champions, Constance Ripley and Ezra LaForge are standing with their mentor and manager, Ken Laurier.

Ken Laurier: I’m proud of you girls. You came together in my absence and were able to run through the tag team division. A remarkable feat.

Ezra LaForge: You deserve your credit too Ken. You brought us together. I know that I could have done any of this without Rip.

Constance Ripley: Of course you couldn’t have. Singles wrestlers don’t usually do so well in tag team matches. You know all about that.

Ezra LaForge: Don’t be an asshole.

Ken Laurier: Enough gloating about the past. You now need to focus on defending those titles. Those Aussie bastards are dead set on coming after you.

Constance Ripley: Let them. We beat them once and we’ll do it again. No one has been able to beat the Wolves yet. We plan on keeping things that way.

Ken Laurier: Don’t get arrogant. You still have a lot to prove. Tonight in the main event you are going to have a target on both of your backs. F.U.X. and Pretty/Dirty are both willing to do whatever they need to do to prove a point. You need to be on alert.

Ezra LaForge: Don’t worry about us Ken. We’re the champs. That fact isn’t changing any time soon.

LaForge and Ripley collect their titles and walk out of frame, leaving Laurier sporting a concerned look on his face.

Eight Person Tag Team Match
F.U.X.
Pretty/Dirty
versus
Hiccup Bigelow & Mick Mooney
White Wolves
15 Minute Time Limit

All four teams came to the ring, with the champion White Wolves coming out last. They got a huge ovation from Toronto. Likely because they are Canadian. Likely.

Chris Jones: A huge reception for the new champions!

Everyone takes their places with Mick Mooney and Marie Veleno starting the match. The referee looks less than pleased about having to try and call this one.

Alan Irvine: This match is going to be anarchy. Everyone wants to prove that they are the best tag team in FTF.

Chris Jones: This will set the tone for the coming weeks in the tag team division.

Veleno and Mooney lock up with Veleno taking Mooney down with an arm drag. Mooney gets right back up and treats Veleno to an arm drag of his own. The two get back up and Mooney hits Veleno with a dropkick.

Chris Jones: Hiccup Bigelow and Mick Mooney have had a hard time gaining traction. A win with the champions tonight could put them back into title contention.

Veleno stumbles back into her corner where Hatchet Muldoon tags himself in. Muldoon enters the ring and practically takes Mooney’s head off with a clothesline. Muldoon gets up, points at the Wolves and then lifts Mooney up.

Alan Irvine: Show ’em what they are in for Muldoon.

Chris Jones: F.U.X. feel that they are the rightful champions. Something tells me that they will do whatever it takes to claim those titles.

Muldoon has Mooney up with a military press. He then stomps over to his corner and VJ Merrick tags in. Merrick climbs to the top rope as Muldoon drops Mooney and plants him with a powerslam.

Alan Irvine: F.U.X. got to the finals of the D3T for a reason. Say what you will about their tactics but they are an incredible tag team.

Merrick comes off of the top rope with a double stomp right onto Mooney and he covers but Hiccup Bigelow enters the ring and breaks up the pin. Karina Zima enters the ring and clotheslines Bigelow over the top rope to the outside.

Chris Jones: This is beginning to break down Irv!

Alan Irvine: Yeah because Hiccup Bigelow broke the rules. We need order!

Chris Jones: I never thought I’d hear you be the voice of reason.

Alan Irvine: I’m full of surprises.

Mooney is able to make it to his corner where he tags in Constance Ripley. Ripley charges and nails Merrick with a flipping leg lariat. Ripley covers but Merrick kicks out. Merrick makes it to his corner where he tags Muldoon back in.

Alan Irvine: Here comes the heavy machinery!

Muldoon enters the ring and nails Ripley with a running drive by kick to the head. LaForge then hits a springboard into the ring, looking for a seated senton but Muldoon holds her up and powerbombs her over the top rope on top of Zima and Bigelow!

Chris Jones: Hatchet Muldoon’s power can only be described as one word, scary.

Alan Irvine: The man doesn’t suffer drongos. He’s wild and he’s aggressive.

Muldoon shoots Ripley into the ropes but Ripley hits a handspring and comes back with a cutter that puts Muldoon down. Merrick jumps into the ring and goes after Ripley but she guides him right into her corner where LaForge catches him with a high kick to the face.

Chris Jones: VJ Merrick finds himself in enemy territory!

Mooney and LaForge then grab Merrick and double suplex him over the top rope to the floor! There is a loud thud as all three of them land in a heap. The referee is concerned with them as Zima slides back into the ring.

Chris Jones: Mooney and LaForge take out Merrick!

Alan Irvine: And themselves with him!

Ripley turns and walks right into the Proshchay Driver from Zima! But before Zima can react Bigelow shoots into the ring and takes her down with a springboard blockbuster! Zima rolls out of the ring to the floor.

Chris Jones: The referee needs to get some control over these competitors!

Bigelow gets up to her feet only for Veleno to enter the ring and plant her with a jumping corkscrew roundhouse kick. Bigelow goes down but Ripley is back up. Ripley plants Veleno with a ranhei that sends Veleno to the outside.

Alan Irvine: This is absurd. Is their no regard for the rules?

Chris Jones: I like how you only want regard for the rules when it suits your favourites.

Alan Irvine: It’s all about perspective Jones.

Everyone is down accept for Muldoon and Ripley. Ripley turns to face her opponent where Muldoon boots her in the mid-section, lifts her up and plants her with the Drongo Bomb! Muldoon covers and gets the three count.

Nina Nichols: Here are your winners, F.U.X. and Pretty/Dirty!

VJ Merrick slides back into the ring and stands tall with Hatchet Muldoon over Constance Ripley as Episode Thirteen goes off the air.

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Match Results:
– The Kingmakers def. Jin Feng & Ren Bao
– Tom Cherry def. Bill Griff
– John Ire def. Lazlo Vaughan
– F.U.X. & Pretty/Dirty def. White Wolves & Bigelow/Mooney

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