FTF Episode 009


The Fire Pit Arena
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

July 31st, 2016


The signature plays and we get a shot of the entire arena, littered with ravenous and excited fans. The shot then falls on ringside where Chris Jones sits next to Alan Irvine at the announce table.

Chris Jones: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Episode Nine of FTF. We are just a week out from our Death or Glory supershow. Irv, how are you feeling?

Alan Irvine: I’m distraught, but excited. Miyami Kana was unable to defeat John Ire for the FTF Championship despite beating the absolute hell out of him.

Chris Jones: Kana definitely took John Ire to his limit but in the end the champion was able to retain thanks to the Pisstaker elbow. Elsewhere, Ezra LaForge was finally able to get her revenge when she and Constance Ripley defeated Pretty/Dirty.

Alan Irvine: I have no comment on that. The White Wolves impressed me that night but it remains to be seen if they can keep up that momentum.

Chris Jones: Speaking of tag teams, it was announced at Death or Glory that starting tonight we will see the first two matches in the Duality Tag Team Tournament which will culminated at Episode Twelve, with the winners being crowned as the first ever FTF Tag Team Champions.

Alan Irvine: It’s an interesting prospect Jones, mainly because only two teams have actually been announced. Those teams being the White Wolves and Pretty/Dirty!

Chris Jones: Well three of the other teams will be announced tonight, as well the White Wolves will be in action but as for right now, I’m told that we are going to hear from the FTF Champion. Let’s go to the ring.


“Forever Pissed” cues up and the audience cheers wildly. Brash, rash, and rough around the edges – FTF Champion, “Pissed Off” John Ire walks out on to the stage. He is sporting his usual garb, torn jeans, a home made jean vest and a can of Guinness in hand. Ire has the title over his shoulder which he takes in his hand as he stomps to the ring.

Ire jumps up onto the apron and enters the ring, collecting a microphone. The audience dies down as the champ speaks.

John Ire: Toronto, how the fuck are ye?

They pop, of course.

John Ire: Thought as much. I’m not out here to waste ye fuckin’ time. Last week at Death or Glory I had ah hell of a scrap with a tough young bird. She may have come up short but she gave me an arsekickin’ worth rememberin’.

Ire takes a slug from his can.

John Ire: I won’t lie, I don’t think I’ve ever taken a beating from anyone like I did last week. Miyami Kana is nothin’ ta fuck with. That comes right from the champ’s mouth, so ye know it’s fuckin’ true.

Ire lifts up the championship and stares at the main face plate for a moment.

John Ire: But that was last week. She’s in my rear view. I’ve proven twice now that I am the top cunt here in FTF. In singles competition not one of ye cunts in the back can touch meh. In that regard, I’m undefeated.

He takes another slug of his beer and appears pensive, momentarily.

John Ire: But in another regard, I’m not. On Episode Seven, Kana and that backwoods cunt Hatchet Muldoon beat meh and Lobo Malo. I didn’t get pinned, but ah loss is ah fuckin’ loss. I need to redeem myself.

The audience starts cheering wildly.

John Ire: Ye you raucous cunts know what I mean. I’m officially entering the Duality Tag Team Tournament. I’m not content just being the first FTF Champion, I wanna be the first FTF Tag Team Champion too. I am the man here in FTF, nothing would make that more of a rock solid fact then having all of the gold.

Toronto seems to love this idea as they cheer in mad fashion.

John Ire: Tonight I’m gonna find meh partner and next week we start our fuckin’ journey towards them Tag Team Titles. Everyone else in the tournament is officially on notice.

Ire drops the mic and tosses his empty can into the crowd, which for whatever reason makes the audience cheer louder. He exits the ring and stomps up the ramp.

Singles Match
Hiccup Bigelow
Mick Mooney
15 Minute Time Limit

The first match of the evening sees two people coming off of Death or Glory losses square off. Newcomer Hiccup Bigelow comes to the ring first followed by Mick Mooney.

Alan Irvine: Words can not express how much I don’t care about this match. I hope that they both lose.

Chris Jones: That’s unlikely Irv. I’ll tell ya what, just kick your feet up and relax. I’ll call this one on my own.

Alan Irvine: Thank fucking God.

The match begins and Mooney walks to the center of the ring. He holds out his hand looking for a sportsmanlike hand shake and Bigelow obliges, with a smile and a wink. As soon as they release, they lock up.

Chris Jones: Both of these competitors could use a win here tonight.

Bigelow takes Mooney over with a snapmare and then hits a quick dropkick to the back of his head. Bigelow then hits the ropes and runs at Mooney head-on, hitting him with a hard soccer kick to the face.

Chris Jones: What a shot from Hiccup Bigelow! That had some malice behind it, eh Irv?

Alan Irvine:

Chris Jones: Right.

Bigelow plays to the crowd as she waits for Mooney to rise. When he does she charges and goes for a tornado ddt but Mooney runs and sits her on the top rope. He then hits her with a big shot.

Chris Jones: Mooney needs to make something happen here. I get the impression that Bigelow can end a match in the blink of an eye.

Mooney climbs up to the top rope with Bigelow and attempts a superplex but Bigelow blocks it and shoves him off. Bigelow then leaps off of the top rope with a frog splash that takes Mooney down. Bigelow covers but Mooney kicks out at two.

Chris Jones: What an excellent move from Hiccup Bigelow. Mooney couldn’t do anything about that!

Bigelow measures Mooney up and goes for a back cracker but Mooney flips her over onto her back. She rallies up he boots her in the mid-section. Mooney attempts The Tough Go but Bigelow backs out if it and hits him with a hard roundhouse kick.

Alan Irvine: …decent kick.

Chris Jones: I thought you weren’t talking?

Alan Irvine:

Mooney is staggered and Bigelow shoots him into the ropes. On his return she goes for a back body drop but Mooney plants her with The Tough Go. Mooney covers and gets the three count.

Nina Nichols: Here is your winner, Mick Mooney!

Following the bell, Mick Mooney approaches Hiccup Bigelow and helps her up. He asks for a microphone.

Mick Mooney: You are one hell of a competitor and pretty snipe too. Listen, Odin offered me a slot in the D3T if I could find a partner. You wanna be that partner?

Bigelow’s disappointed expression turns into a giant smile. She gives Mooney two big thumbs up and then gives him a giant huge, practically strangling him.

Alan Irvine: I’m going to be fucking sick.


Backstage we see Al Derringer warming up for his match. FTF Champion John Ire walks into the frame and slaps him on the back.

John Ire: Alright Sarg? How ye feelin’ after that match with that mall goth?

Al Derringer: Angry.

John Ire: Yeah yeah I get that. Take it out on that twat Karina Zima, she deserves it.

Al Derringer: You need something John?

John Ire: Alright boy-o take it easy. You don’t need any more enemies around here. Especially one like me. I’ve come to ye with an offerin’.

Al Derringer: Which is?

John Ire: Were ye not watching earlier? I need a parter for the D3T. I want you to be that partner. Far as I remember, you and I are undefeated as a team.

Al Derringer: That’s true. But I lost to Smoke. You really want to team with me after that? Doesn’t seem like a good battle plan John.

Ire scoffs.

John Ire: Enough of that shit. Either you’re a solider or you’re not. Either you want to win the tag straps or you don’t. Let me know by the end of the night.

Ire walks off, leaving Derringer to contemplate the offer.

Singles Match
Al Derringer
Karina Zima
15 Minute Time Limit

The next contest sees Al Derringer arrive to the ring, looking more somber than normal. Karina Zima is out next with Marie Veleno by her side. Zima enters the ring and the bell sounds.

Chris Jones: Al Derringer is coming off of a loss at Death or Glory. But so is Karina Zima. Both need to get wins here to build some momentum.

Alan Irvine: Al Derringer has only ever won one singles match. Plus he was brutalized by Second Hand Smoke at Death or Glory. I don’t see this match going Derringer’s way.

Derringer stands stationary in his corner, as does Zima. Zima fires some insults at Derringer but he will not be goaded in. After a few moments of this, Veleno grabs Derringer’s foot from the outside.

Chris Jones: They haven’t even touched each other and Marie Veleno is getting involved!

The momentary distraction was enough for Zima to charge in and hit Derringer with a running knee to the lower back. Zima then hits Derringer with some big shots to the back of Derringer’s head.

Alan Irvine: I think Pretty/Dirty’s loss at Death or Glory was a fluke. They are the most cohesive team in this company and they are my pick to win the entire D3T.

Chris Jones: They do work extremely well together despite only being a tandem for a few months.

Derringer spins around and catches Zima with a hard shot to the face that sends her flying backwards. Derringer then stomps towards Zima and gets her to her feet. He launches her into the corner and follows that up with a running shoulder block.

Chris Jones: I feel like we are seeing a new Al Derringer here tonight. Do you think that brutal loss to Second Hand Smoke did something to the Soldier of Fortune Irv?

Alan Irvine: Of course it did. Second Hand Smoke butchered the Sarg. He humiliated him. Derringer hasn’t had a great run since coming to FTF, maybe that loss is exactly the catalyst that he needed.

Zima is sent across the ring into the other corner and Derringer follows that up with a running clothesline. Zima staggers out of the corner and Derringer lifts her up with a military press. Derringer then tosses Zima over the top rope right onto Veleno!

Chris Jones: That’s one way to take Marie Veleno out of the equation!

Alan Irvine: The Sarg is following a battle plan and for the first time it seems like a good one. Maybe he’s got someone writing his strategies for him.

Chris Jones: It’s very possible. Or maybe he is trying to prove to himself that he deserves to be here.

Alan Irvine: Or he wants to prove to John Ire that Ire isn’t making a mistake asking him to be his partner in the D3T.

Derringer exits the ring and takes hold of Zima. He slides her into the ring, Veleno tries to get up and attack him but Derringer head fakes her and Veleno falls backwards. Derringer enters the ring but Zima drops a knee onto the back of his head.

Chris Jones: Karina Zima has to be the craftiest competitor in FTF. She never met an opportunity that she didn’t exploit.

Zima drops some boots to the back of Derringer’s head. Zima then climbs to the top rope. Zima jumps off of the top rope looking for a double axe handle but Derringer catches her by the throat and plants her with the Shock & Awe! Derringer covers and gets the three count.

Nina Nichols: Here is your winner, Al Derringer!

Derringer’s military march plays as the referee raises his hand. Derringer takes a moment to take in the audience’s cheers before asking for Nichols’ microphone.

Al Derringer: You know…things haven’t exactly gone the Sarg’s way since coming to FTF. I’ve lost a hell of a lot more than I’ve won. I haven’t looked like a soldier, I’ve looked like a victim.

He pauses.

Al Derringer: But at Death Or Glory I was made to look like a victim. I confronted death and I lost. I’ll be honest, when Second Hand Smoke victimized me I figured that my time in FTF was done. I figured that Morgan Odin would hand me my walking papers.

The audience boos at the prospect of the Soldier of Fortune leaving FTF.

Al Derringer: But he didn’t. He told me that I put in a good effort and that as long as I have performances like that, I have a job here in FTF.

Toronto likes what they hear.

Al Derringer: That’s not enough for me. I’m not here just to “try”. I am here to be a winner and more than that, I am here to be a champion.

They love Derringer, a small “Sarg! Sarg! Sarg!” chant starts up.

Al Derringer: So John Ire, you wanted a partner for D3T? Well champ, you’ve got one!

The audience cheers for that but almost immediately the lights go off and the tron lights up. Smoke fills the frame and then the glow of a cigarette appears. Second Hand Smoke’s face pushes through the haze.

Second Hand Smoke: Oh Alan, Alan, Alan. Did I knock something loose at Death or Glory? I feel like a must have because you seem…different.

Derringer snarls as he stares at the tron.

Second Hand Smoke: I look forward to seeing how the pairing of you and our champion does in the D3T. While you may have this new attitude thanks to the bloodletting I provided you with, I can’t help but feel that you will fail. As you always do. And you will bring our champion down with you.

Derringer scowls in the ring.

Second Hand Smoke: I wish you the best of luck Alan. You will definitely need it. I’ll be watching, Sergeant.

The lights in the arena come back on and Smoke disappears from the tron. Derringer is left contemplating Smoke’s words.


Backstage Hiccup Bigelow is getting her things together following her loss to Mick Mooney when the man himself walks into frame.

Mick Mooney: Hey snipe, I just wanted to congratulate you on a sick match tonight. Sure you came up short but you gave me all I could handle.

Hiccup Bigelow: Snipe? What the heck does that mean?

Mick Mooney: You’re a babe! But you’re also a sick competitor. I think you and I are the future of this company, no doubt.

Hiccup Bigelow: Uh…thanks, I guess?

Mick Mooney: Yeah well because of my win tonight Morgan Odin has offered me a spot in the D3T. But I need a partner. What do you think?

Hiccup Bigelow: You want me to be your partner?

Mick Mooney: Hell yeah. I think we can take the whole shebang. We’re gonna face some tough competition but I think we can do it. So whadda ya say? You wanna dummy this tournament and win some gold?

Bigelow takes a moment to consider the offer.

Hiccup Bigelow: Well if you think we can do it, then so do I! You’re on!

Mick Mooney: Beauty. You won’t regret it snipe, we’re gonna dummy eeevvveryone.

The two shake hands and the scene cuts.

Tag Team Match
Hatchet Muldoon & VJ Merrick
Lazlo Vaughan & Windham Zedler
15 Minute Time Limit

Hatchet Muldoon and VJ Merrick come to the ring and enter. Before Nina Nichols can introduce them, Merrick snatches the microphone from her.

VJ Merrick: Listen up you cunts. Hatch and I have had each other’s backs since day one in FTF and we know that we are the best team here. We are both from Fairfield in Sydney, which is a real tough fuckin’ area. To grow up there is to know what real danger is.

Hatchet Muldoon: We are from the underbelly of Australia, we know what it takes to survive. Unlike you lazy cunts here in Toronto. Merrick and I are the top team here in FTF and this tournament is going to fuckin’ prove that.

VJ Merrick: You are lookin’ at the Fairfield Union Express but from here on out, you can just call us F.U.X. Now bring out our opponents, these cunts don’t stand a chance.

With that, Lazlo Vaughan and his rookie partner Windham Zedler march to the ring. Vaughan looks less than pleased as they enter the ring.

Chris Jones: Lazlo Vaughan is teaming with FTF rookie Windham Zedler tonight, a seasoned journeyman from Alabama. Tonight he has a huge opportunity in his FTF debut.

Alan Irvine: Vaughan didn’t choose Zedler to be his partner, this puts him at a distinct disadvantage against F.U.X.

The bell sounds and Vaughan makes Zedler start the match against Merrick. Merrick charges Zedler and hits him with a running forearm to the face. Merrick then takes Zedler over with a snapmare and hits him with a dropkick to the back of the head.

Chris Jones: VJ Merrick is an excellent worker. The mix of his speed and Muldoon’s power makes F.U.X. a favourite in this tournament.

Alan Irvine: Thank you for recognizing that. Pretty/Dirty is my pick to win the whole thing but F.U.X. are my back up.

Chris Jones: Way to cover your bases Irv.

Merrick gets Zedler up and walks him to the corner by his hair. Merrick tags in Muldoon and Muldoon hits Zedler with a big head butt. Zedler drops and Muldoon covers, only getting a two count.

Chris Jones: Windham Zedler has a tall order on his plate trying to deal with consistent championship contender Hatchet Muldoon.

The audience is raining boos on Muldoon as he gets Zedler up. Zedler fires up with an uppercut to Muldoon. Muldoon falls back into the ropes and comes back but Zedler ducks under a clothesline attempt. Zedler then hits the ropes and comes back with a running elbow to the face!

Chris Jones: Windham Zedler is coming at Muldoon with everything that he’s got!

Alan Irvine: I feel like it’s not much.

Muldoon just looks angry after eating the elbow. Zedler goes for a head butt of his own but Muldoon catches his head and sends him flying across the ring with a beale toss. Zedler lands right near his corner.

Chris Jones: A mistake from Muldoon! He has given Zedler an opportunity to tag Lazlo Vaughan in!

Zedler reaches up to tag Vaughan but Vaughan drops off of the apron. He’s having none of it. Vaughan waves Zedler off and walks away. Zedler gets up and walks right into a boot to the gut from Muldoon and a ring shaking powerbomb.

Chris Jones: Oh come on Vaughan! You are throwing away a golden opportunity here.

Alan Irvine: Lazlo Vaughan knows when a game isn’t worth playing. Don’t give him guff for cutting his losses.

Muldoon walks Zedler over to the F.U.X. corner and tags in Merrick. Muldoon lifts Zedler up for a powerbomb with his back to the corner. Merrick climbs to the top rope and leaps, flipping over Zedler with a blockbuster as Muldoon drops him with a powerbomb. Merrick then covers and gets the three count.

Nina Nichols: Here are your winners, advancing to the semi finals of the Duality Tag Team Tournament, Hatchet Muldoon and VJ Merrick…F.U.X.!

Hatchet Muldoon and VJ Merrick celebrate, standing over Windham Zedler as Lazlo Vaughan walks up the ramp. The audience boos everything that is happening but the fact remains that F.U.X. have advanced.


Backstage FTF Interviewer Ben Choi stands with FTF original Lobo Malo.

Ben Choi: Lobo Malo, congratulations on your victory over Hatchet Muldoon at Death or Glory. Tonight you enter the Duality Tag Team Tournament with an interesting partner, Miyami Kana.

Lobo Malo: Beating Muldoon was tough but I was able to come out on top. When it comes to Kana ese, I haven’t been so lucky. She has defeated me all three times that we have squared off. Tonight we are a team and I’m not sure how to feel about that.

Ben Choi: Do you feel that you can trust Kana?

Lobo Malo: I do not know. Kana is coming off her second loss to John Ire so she is bound to be upset. But I think that that makes her dangerous. All I know for certain is that I want to become the first FTF Tag Team Champions and I am going to give it my all tonight to make that a reality.

Ben Choi: Any words for your opponents, the White Wolves?

Lobo Malo: Lobo means wolf in Spanish. I am the bad wolf of FTF and although the White Wolves have proven that they are a top team, I am the top wolf in FTF. Tonight they will see exactly what it takes to be the leader of the pack.

Malo walks out of frame, headed to the entrance area.

M A I N  E V E N T
White Wolves
Lobo Malo & Miyami Kana
15 Minute Time Limit

Constance Ripley and Ezra LaForge, The White Wolves make their entrance to thunderous applause. Lobo Malo is out next and he gets a pretty decent pop. “Blood And Fire” cues up and Miyami Kana stomps to the ring. She enters through the ropes and glances at Malo. She shoots him a glare.

Chris Jones: Miyami Kana has no love for Lobo Malo.

Alan Irvine: And why would she? He’s never been able to beat her.

As soon as the bell sounds Kana charges and spears Ripley to the mat. Kana mounts Ripley and feeds her a series of massive shots to the head. She then gets Ripley up and sends her into the ropes.

Alan Irvine: I think this may be the most dangerous version that we’ve seen of Miyami Kana yet. The lost she suffered to John Ire has only increased her bloodlust.

On Ripley’s return Kana catches her with a spinning leg lariat that drops Ripley. Kana takes hold of Ripley and takes her over with an arm drag. Kana then hits Ripley with a hard kick to the back of the head.

Chris Jones: Kana is taking Ripley to school here. I imagine that Kana will try and do this entire thing alone.

Alan Irvine: Which would be smart. Don’t let a loser like Lobo Malo into the ring.

Chris Jones: He just beat Hatchet Muldoon in a No DQ match. That’s Muldoon’s element and when he is most dangerous.

Alan Irvine: A fluke! Ha!

Ripley gets up and forces Kana back into Kana’s corner, where Malo calls for the tag. Kana refuses and smashes Ripley with a forearm shot to the face. Ripley staggers back and Kana charges, hitting Ripley with a front dropkick that sends her half way across the ring.

Alan Irvine: Kana is a whirlwind here tonight.

Ripley is able to tag in LaForge who hits a springboard into the ring. LaForge nails a dropkick on Kana that once again sends Kana into her own corner. There, Malo blind tags himself in.

Chris Jones: Lobo Malo with the blind tag. That might be the only way that he can see himself some action in this match.

Alan Irvine: I don’t know if it’s possible to make Kana any angrier than she is but that may have just done it.

Malo leaps over the top rope and avoids a short arm clothesline from LaForge. Malo then hits a back kick to LaForge’s mid-section and plants her with a tornado ddt, stepping off of the second rope. Malo covers but only gets a two count.

Chris Jones: Do you think Malo wants more to prove himself to the audience or Miyami Kana?

Alan Irvine: Probably Kana, he wants to show her that together they can win this tournament but he is a known fuck up so I feel that it’s only a matter of time before he does what he does best.

The two stand back up and Malo shoots in for a dropkick but LaForge swats it away. Malo hits the ropes but LaForge catches him with a sitout spinebuster! LaForge covers but only gets a two count.

Alan Irvine: There it is. Called it.

LaForge takes hold of Malo and tags in Ripley. Kana enters the ring illegally as LaForge gets Malo up in a fireman’s carry. Ripley climbs to the top rope, leaps off with a stomp that has her step off of Malo and land a flying double knee to Kana!

Chris Jones: What tandem offence! The White Wolves have subdued the bloodlusted Miyami Kana!

Alan Irvine: It only makes her stronger Jones!

LaForge still has Malo in the fireman’s carry and she plants him with a go to sleep! Malo is down and LaForge covers but Malo kicks out at the very last moment. Kana takes refuge on the apron but Ripley hits her with a dropkick that takes her down to the floor.

Alan Irvine: No! Kana get up! He’s gonna blow it!

Malo gets up but is met with a double superkick from the White Wolves! Ripley then charges and dives through the ropes, taking Kana down on the outside! LaForge covers Malo and gets the three count.

Nina Nichols: Here are your winners, advancing to the semi finals of the Duality Tag Team Tournament, Constance Ripley and Ezra LaForge, The White Wolves!

The White Wolves have no time to celebrate as Miyami Kana re-enters the ring and nails Constance Ripley with the Blood Sacrifice! Ezra LaForge tries to intervene but Kana gets her up and plants her with the Night Time Driver!

Chris Jones: Miyami Kana has lost it! She just destroyed both of the White Wolves.

Alan Irvine: It doesn’t look like she’s finished yet.

Kana has a crazed look in her eyes as she focusses on Lobo Malo. Malo gets up and he is immediately hit with Kana’s Blood Sacrifice. Kana then quickly locks in Magic Hour! Lobo screams in pain as referees try to get Kana to break the hold.

Chris Jones: Two losses in a row has sent Miyami Kana over the edge! She has destroyed everyone in the ring.

Alan Irvine: They do not call her The Living Weapon for nothing. She wants to be at the top of FTF and she has grown tired with not being there.

Chris Jones: The referees need to break this up, Kana has lost her mind!

The referees finally get Kana to break the hold but as soon as she does she starts hitting them with kicks. Five referees are downed in quick succession as Kana has left complete destruction in her wake. The camera closes in on her face and she looks absolutely mental as FTF Episode Nine goes off the air.



Match Results:
– Mick Mooney def. Hiccup Bigelow
– Al Derringer def. Karina Zima
– DT3 Quarter Final: F.U.X. def. Lazlo Vaughan & Windham Zedler
– DT3 Quarter Final: White Wolves def. Lobo Malo & Miyami Kana